...Not of everything of course, but this post signals the end of my oft-neglected blog as a SAHD.
But first a couple of loose ends to tie up:
1, the reason why I decided to start writing again (see my last post): During a large family get-together (GTW Mum's family, not mine!) Grandad Wise asked when I'd be writing again. This kinda surprised me, as I didn't realise anyone except me read what I wrote (horrible English; sorry), so I felt inspired to write again. It also chuffed me a little for various reasons and I felt a warm fuzzy glow, which coupled with aforementioned inspiration led me to write the last post.
2, the reason why I have decided to stop writing again: However, we had to move house about 3 months ago, but we didn't, and as we couldn't move house retrospectively, it had to be done. This was (is) a long job as the new house had to be emptied of various family member's belongings, rubbish, and redecorated, so I put my share of our small business on hold in an attempt to get everything done. Then we went on holiday for a week, came back, and spent another few days on the new house before getting a lot of our belongings moved in. This still left a lot of our belongings to move. This is almost done, and we're into the cleaning and mark-covering painting era of what could possibly be the most drawn out, convoluted house juggling/ moving fiasco ever. Almost done though. This is why I have been too busy to write. (That, and the lack of internet at our new house). However, myself and GTW Mum have come to the conclusion that our small cottage industry-type business will have to stay like that for the minute. Small. We could sell enough of our product to recoup the salary I gave up when I left work to bring up The Boy, but unfortunately we couldn't actually make enough product, or we could, but it meant we kinda had The Boy on a timeshare basis and rarely saw each other. Part of the point of being a SAHD is to have quality family time, put family before work etc, but we have reached the unenviable point where if we do not get some money soon, some large uneducated men will come round and remove all our possesions to sell at a huge discount. To avoid this, I am having to GET A JOB. Which means that I won't be a SAHD anymore. That is why I am having to end this blog, unfortunately. On the good news side, The Boy is now 18 months old and a credit to both parents (even if I do say so myself), and I have spent more time with him than I reckon my Dad spent with me in a 30 year period. It's gonna hurt, as I miss him when he's at The Baby Farm for a day, but, the bills won't pay themselves, and I have some talents that need to be put to good use, and some self-esteem that needs a boost.
3, I won't be stopping writing though; I'm just transferring my thoughts to a more appropriately titled blog which you can find at http://the-mentalist.blogspot.com/ .
It will still have some stories about the family stuff, but also some of my thoughts as and when they arise, some good stuff, some negative stuff, and the odd rant when I'm doing my angry man act.
So, I bid a fond farewell as The Stay At Home Dad , but please do checkout my new blog, again (shameless plugging) http://the-mentalist.blogspot.com/ entitled "the mentalist". If I have any readers at all, Thanks for taking the time to wander through my take on life, and putting up with my irregular posts. John, if you still read this, thanks for the inspiration!
For the last time, Dear Reader, I wish you the best, and thanks.
The Stay At Home Dad.
Wednesday, 10 September 2008
Sunday, 27 July 2008
A Preamble...
I am calling this a pre-amble, as its late and I don't really have the time or the inclination to write a fuller post. You may say I'm lazy, but I'm just having a rest before I've earnt it.
So, I'm back. I never really went anywhere, but as you'll find from tomorrow's post, a lot has happened, which to cut a long story short, didn't affect my mental health in the bestest [sic] way and I ended up foolishly succumbing to my depression again. I'd like to say I can't help it. I'd like to blame others. I'd like it to be the fault of circumstance. But I don't think any of those things. I think when you're depressed, and I mean really depressed, not just a bit sad, but really, desperately black and gloomy. Infectiously negative.
But it is my fault. If I blame others, lay fault at the door of circumstance, then surely I have to wait for circumstance to pick me back up again. And I decided I couldn't wait that long. So I've started to pick myself back up again.
Again, a fairly random post, but I may expand some more and explain the specific reason I have started to write in this blog again. I will certainly write more about the past two months, and maybe I'll even find the time to write about being a SAHD! Stranger things have happened.
For now, its been a long day, its late, and bed is calling.
Comfy, comfy bed. Mmmmm....
The Stay-At-Home Dad
So, I'm back. I never really went anywhere, but as you'll find from tomorrow's post, a lot has happened, which to cut a long story short, didn't affect my mental health in the bestest [sic] way and I ended up foolishly succumbing to my depression again. I'd like to say I can't help it. I'd like to blame others. I'd like it to be the fault of circumstance. But I don't think any of those things. I think when you're depressed, and I mean really depressed, not just a bit sad, but really, desperately black and gloomy. Infectiously negative.
But it is my fault. If I blame others, lay fault at the door of circumstance, then surely I have to wait for circumstance to pick me back up again. And I decided I couldn't wait that long. So I've started to pick myself back up again.
Again, a fairly random post, but I may expand some more and explain the specific reason I have started to write in this blog again. I will certainly write more about the past two months, and maybe I'll even find the time to write about being a SAHD! Stranger things have happened.
For now, its been a long day, its late, and bed is calling.
Comfy, comfy bed. Mmmmm....
The Stay-At-Home Dad
Wednesday, 21 May 2008
Aches, pains and no babysitter.
Band practice went well last night, first in a while that I haven't "lubricated" my vocal chords with alkyhol, although I think the red bull may have had a similar dehydrating effect!
Got back in around half past midnight, and almost immediately I stepped through the door I was aching all over. I went into the bedroom and I was freezing. So much so I actually had to sleep with some clothes on! Go-To-Work Mum put it down to the preceding night's lack of sleep and I'm inclined to agree - I do feel better today, but surprisingly weak. I'm hoping I'm not coming down with anything, seeing as I have a gig tonight and one next week as well.
So Go-To-Work Mum's at work today and I have The Boy to myself. After his breakfast of cheese on toast (a favourite of his) he's just been playing with his toys, which now they've been sorted out and tidied seems to lead him to only play with one thing at a time, as opposed to the 'toy fatigue' he seems to get when just getting all his toys out and then ignoring them to play with the keyboard or mouse!
I found some batteries lying around, and they happened to be the correct size, so I put them in The Boy's toy henry hoover, which now actually sucks! Just small bits of fluff and paper and the like, but that means The Boy can now at least do his bit towards The Chores!
That aside, we're desperately trying to find a babysitter for a couple of hours so Go-To-Work Mum can come to the gig with me. Sometimes it feels that when we're looking for a sitter no-one is interested. Although folks will complain that they haven't seen The Boy for a while, and are quite happy to drop round unannounced (Is it just me or is a phonecall to check if its convenient too much to ask for?), there always seems to be a dearth of people willing to look after him in the evening, whether for a couple of hours or even ( the holy grail of sitting) overnight.
I know it sounds like I'm moaning, but that's largely due to the fact that I am moaning. In fact I cannot remember the last time we didn't have The Boy overnight. The closest we've got to that recently was Nana Hugs looking after him overnight at our flat whle we went to a party (not the same as getting rid for the night, as the flat is not just to ourselves when we get back), but she won't be able to look after him for a while due to having her hip replaced recently. We'll see what happens. It'll probably end up that Sister looks after him while GTW Mum comes to the gig, which is OK, but I like to have as many people there as I can, rather than having them cover Boysitter duty. Oh well.
So what's on the agenda for the rest of today? Well The Boy seems quite happy playing at the moment, I need to get ready for tonight, do some vocal exercises, get in the right mindset and, oh yeah, eat some food!
Maybe not a lot to say today, but still, I've said it.
Until tomorrow,
The Stay-At-Home Dad
Got back in around half past midnight, and almost immediately I stepped through the door I was aching all over. I went into the bedroom and I was freezing. So much so I actually had to sleep with some clothes on! Go-To-Work Mum put it down to the preceding night's lack of sleep and I'm inclined to agree - I do feel better today, but surprisingly weak. I'm hoping I'm not coming down with anything, seeing as I have a gig tonight and one next week as well.
So Go-To-Work Mum's at work today and I have The Boy to myself. After his breakfast of cheese on toast (a favourite of his) he's just been playing with his toys, which now they've been sorted out and tidied seems to lead him to only play with one thing at a time, as opposed to the 'toy fatigue' he seems to get when just getting all his toys out and then ignoring them to play with the keyboard or mouse!
I found some batteries lying around, and they happened to be the correct size, so I put them in The Boy's toy henry hoover, which now actually sucks! Just small bits of fluff and paper and the like, but that means The Boy can now at least do his bit towards The Chores!
That aside, we're desperately trying to find a babysitter for a couple of hours so Go-To-Work Mum can come to the gig with me. Sometimes it feels that when we're looking for a sitter no-one is interested. Although folks will complain that they haven't seen The Boy for a while, and are quite happy to drop round unannounced (Is it just me or is a phonecall to check if its convenient too much to ask for?), there always seems to be a dearth of people willing to look after him in the evening, whether for a couple of hours or even ( the holy grail of sitting) overnight.
I know it sounds like I'm moaning, but that's largely due to the fact that I am moaning. In fact I cannot remember the last time we didn't have The Boy overnight. The closest we've got to that recently was Nana Hugs looking after him overnight at our flat whle we went to a party (not the same as getting rid for the night, as the flat is not just to ourselves when we get back), but she won't be able to look after him for a while due to having her hip replaced recently. We'll see what happens. It'll probably end up that Sister looks after him while GTW Mum comes to the gig, which is OK, but I like to have as many people there as I can, rather than having them cover Boysitter duty. Oh well.
So what's on the agenda for the rest of today? Well The Boy seems quite happy playing at the moment, I need to get ready for tonight, do some vocal exercises, get in the right mindset and, oh yeah, eat some food!
Maybe not a lot to say today, but still, I've said it.
Until tomorrow,
The Stay-At-Home Dad
Tuesday, 20 May 2008
Well after the temporary insanity (clarity of thought?) of my last post, I thought I'd leave it a couple of days before posting again. This is it.
We had a fairly quiet weekend; Saturday was just nice and relaxed, Go-To-Work Mum managed to get some of our products into a shop, which is a fairly big step.
We spent the afternoon playing with The Boy; while Go-To-Work Mum had a snooze (she had had an early start) I made a den for The Boy to play in. Against the sofa, I placed the pushchair and The Boy's highchair close enough to drape a blanket over, and with a cushion underneath the den was complete
The Boy loved it and played underneath it like a mad thing, spending a good 10 minutes or so running into the den and 'throwing' himself onto the sofa, then turning around, peeking at me from underneath the blanket, before running back out and collapsing on a cushion he had placed there. This continued until he misjudged his distance and threw himself onto the floor just in front of the sofa; I picked him up and held him, waiting the requisite 5 seconds for him to remember to breathe before he let out the big cry. He was easily consoled and soon playing with his toys again.
Sunday we had a lunch date with an old friend that I haven't properly seen for over 10 years! We had met up on a mutual friend's birthday in town a few weeks back and had resolved to get together for a civilised family meal now that we are both married with kids. It was a very pleasant afternoon, although I feel we caused the food to spoil a little due to our (almost legendary) tardiness. However my friend had made a gorgeous chocolate cheesecake (chocolate? And cheese? Am I hearing you right?) and I was compelled to eat not one but two slices! (those who know me know my tastes are usually far more savoury than sweet).
Yesterday just seemed to slip by, although I kept myself quite busy. I dropped off The Boy and Go-To-Work Mum and got stuck into a day of mega Chores. The flat looks better for it though, and now its done it should be easier to keep on top of.
Last night The Boy decided to wake up around 2.30 am and it was my turn to soothe him so we came into the living room to let GTW Mum get some sleep.
Alas, despite my best efforts, The Boy was not in a settling mood, firstly seeming to be annoyed the TV was on, then he kept sitting up just when I thought he'd dropped off. In the end I fell asleep, and GTW Mum was awakened by banging at about 4am - she came through to find that The Boy had clambered over me and off the sofa, and was currently using (banging the end on the floor) his toy Henry hoover to clean our laminate floor. In the dark.
GTW Mum took The Boy to bed, where he slept the rest of the night in his cot as soundly as I was sleeping on the sofa!
Thats all I've got right now, I have my other blog to write, and some vocal exercises to do - The Band has a practice tonight and a gig tomorrow.
Until the next time...
The Stay-At-Home Dad.
We had a fairly quiet weekend; Saturday was just nice and relaxed, Go-To-Work Mum managed to get some of our products into a shop, which is a fairly big step.
We spent the afternoon playing with The Boy; while Go-To-Work Mum had a snooze (she had had an early start) I made a den for The Boy to play in. Against the sofa, I placed the pushchair and The Boy's highchair close enough to drape a blanket over, and with a cushion underneath the den was complete
The Boy loved it and played underneath it like a mad thing, spending a good 10 minutes or so running into the den and 'throwing' himself onto the sofa, then turning around, peeking at me from underneath the blanket, before running back out and collapsing on a cushion he had placed there. This continued until he misjudged his distance and threw himself onto the floor just in front of the sofa; I picked him up and held him, waiting the requisite 5 seconds for him to remember to breathe before he let out the big cry. He was easily consoled and soon playing with his toys again.
Sunday we had a lunch date with an old friend that I haven't properly seen for over 10 years! We had met up on a mutual friend's birthday in town a few weeks back and had resolved to get together for a civilised family meal now that we are both married with kids. It was a very pleasant afternoon, although I feel we caused the food to spoil a little due to our (almost legendary) tardiness. However my friend had made a gorgeous chocolate cheesecake (chocolate? And cheese? Am I hearing you right?) and I was compelled to eat not one but two slices! (those who know me know my tastes are usually far more savoury than sweet).
Yesterday just seemed to slip by, although I kept myself quite busy. I dropped off The Boy and Go-To-Work Mum and got stuck into a day of mega Chores. The flat looks better for it though, and now its done it should be easier to keep on top of.
Last night The Boy decided to wake up around 2.30 am and it was my turn to soothe him so we came into the living room to let GTW Mum get some sleep.
Alas, despite my best efforts, The Boy was not in a settling mood, firstly seeming to be annoyed the TV was on, then he kept sitting up just when I thought he'd dropped off. In the end I fell asleep, and GTW Mum was awakened by banging at about 4am - she came through to find that The Boy had clambered over me and off the sofa, and was currently using (banging the end on the floor) his toy Henry hoover to clean our laminate floor. In the dark.
GTW Mum took The Boy to bed, where he slept the rest of the night in his cot as soundly as I was sleeping on the sofa!
Thats all I've got right now, I have my other blog to write, and some vocal exercises to do - The Band has a practice tonight and a gig tomorrow.
Until the next time...
The Stay-At-Home Dad.
Friday, 16 May 2008
Part III: "P.S."
The vacuous black hole that 'They' describe as the Depth of The Psyche.
Therein lies The Answer you seek.
Then Child,
Then,
And only then,
Will you understand that you wasted your time searching for The Answer, without stopping to find out what The Question was.
And without The Question,
The Answer,
Is Pointless.
The Question, if you ever stop long enough to find it, will answer itself all the quicker the sooner the quest for The Answer is ended.
For then,
And only then my child,
Only then will you learn that this moment only comes once; a regret wastes twice as much time; the more time you have, the more you waste, the less you time have, the more you wish you had.
Stop thinking about what you ought to do, and do it.
I feel that was probably me talking to myself, but its late, I'm enjoying a vodka, and you should enjoy my profundity while it lasts. It is wise far beyond my years.
Or maybe the 'whys?' are just beyond my ears.
Who knows?
The Stay-At-Home Dad.
Therein lies The Answer you seek.
Then Child,
Then,
And only then,
Will you understand that you wasted your time searching for The Answer, without stopping to find out what The Question was.
And without The Question,
The Answer,
Is Pointless.
The Question, if you ever stop long enough to find it, will answer itself all the quicker the sooner the quest for The Answer is ended.
For then,
And only then my child,
Only then will you learn that this moment only comes once; a regret wastes twice as much time; the more time you have, the more you waste, the less you time have, the more you wish you had.
Stop thinking about what you ought to do, and do it.
I feel that was probably me talking to myself, but its late, I'm enjoying a vodka, and you should enjoy my profundity while it lasts. It is wise far beyond my years.
Or maybe the 'whys?' are just beyond my ears.
Who knows?
The Stay-At-Home Dad.
Part II: A Bit Later...
Bounce.
I'm back.
Told ya I would, didn't I?
Today was much better in a lot of ways: The Boy was in a much better mood, which despite all assertions to the contrary -using evidence such as who pays the bills, whose name is on the mortgage etc. - demonstrates that in his own babbling, selectively-dependent way The Boy is Definitely In Charge.
But that is good. That means he ate his breakfast, laughed at the TV, played building blocks with me, and was pretty much more like his (1 year 2 1/2 month) old self.
While he was being naughty (and doing something he couldn't do last week) -reaching over the fence in front of the TV he managed to grab several DVDs and place them on the floor before I noticed.
I responded with the word I desperately want him to understand, but even more desperately don't want him to start copying:
No.
He surprised me in the most pleasant way: He 'stood down' - he was standing on a toy to be able to reach - looked at me, shook his head as I repeated "No" and he picked up The Director's Cut of Pulp Fiction and attempted to replace it in the DVD rack, which, without the aid of the toy-cum-stepping stone was a tad out of reach! We compromised, and The Boy passed them to me while I replaced the films in their previous out-of-reach storage slots.
He ate a lot more today, and settled nicely in bed this evening, so fingers crossed for tonight, but all's well again I think.
And with The Boy's mood settling I feel my balance shifting closer to where it should be and I am finding that my motivation is returning, slowly, but definitely returning. I need to relinquish a little of my cynicism and trust that Things will start to return to normal, or some semblance of such. (not really talking about The Boy's teeth now, keep up).
The Monster I spoke of in an earlier post has been reduced to several equally important, but proportionately manageable tasks that even I should be able to manage in a sensible and thought out bid to improve myself and mine and my family's financial standing. One step at a time
Go-To-Work Mum has an important presentation 1st thing in the morning and is busy getting all her materials together and organised, and I feel its a little contagious, or maybe its just the same as The Boy's mood and there's a general 'lift ' within the air but I'm feeling more confident and able to get through the things I need to, face the demons that I've been putting off, and make it better.
This maaybe a bit of a random post, but I am rapidly coming to the conclusion that some of these blogs may just turn out to be a written manifestation of a snapshot of my current train of thought, and as such is obviously subject to change at any tiime without warning, and may not be entirely accurate in the first place. Either way I take no responsibility for what you feel - I don't intend to offend - sometimes that is just a fortunate by-product of my humour exercised on small minds.
I feel I have somewhat strayed from my original point, which was, oh, . To be honest I don't know if I had a point. But at least I had a platform to explain that from. If you stayed this long, thanks.
Thank you.
The Stay-At-Home Dad.
(normal service may resume tomorrow).
(may).
I'm back.
Told ya I would, didn't I?
Today was much better in a lot of ways: The Boy was in a much better mood, which despite all assertions to the contrary -using evidence such as who pays the bills, whose name is on the mortgage etc. - demonstrates that in his own babbling, selectively-dependent way The Boy is Definitely In Charge.
But that is good. That means he ate his breakfast, laughed at the TV, played building blocks with me, and was pretty much more like his (1 year 2 1/2 month) old self.
While he was being naughty (and doing something he couldn't do last week) -reaching over the fence in front of the TV he managed to grab several DVDs and place them on the floor before I noticed.
I responded with the word I desperately want him to understand, but even more desperately don't want him to start copying:
No.
He surprised me in the most pleasant way: He 'stood down' - he was standing on a toy to be able to reach - looked at me, shook his head as I repeated "No" and he picked up The Director's Cut of Pulp Fiction and attempted to replace it in the DVD rack, which, without the aid of the toy-cum-stepping stone was a tad out of reach! We compromised, and The Boy passed them to me while I replaced the films in their previous out-of-reach storage slots.
He ate a lot more today, and settled nicely in bed this evening, so fingers crossed for tonight, but all's well again I think.
And with The Boy's mood settling I feel my balance shifting closer to where it should be and I am finding that my motivation is returning, slowly, but definitely returning. I need to relinquish a little of my cynicism and trust that Things will start to return to normal, or some semblance of such. (not really talking about The Boy's teeth now, keep up).
The Monster I spoke of in an earlier post has been reduced to several equally important, but proportionately manageable tasks that even I should be able to manage in a sensible and thought out bid to improve myself and mine and my family's financial standing. One step at a time
Go-To-Work Mum has an important presentation 1st thing in the morning and is busy getting all her materials together and organised, and I feel its a little contagious, or maybe its just the same as The Boy's mood and there's a general 'lift ' within the air but I'm feeling more confident and able to get through the things I need to, face the demons that I've been putting off, and make it better.
This maaybe a bit of a random post, but I am rapidly coming to the conclusion that some of these blogs may just turn out to be a written manifestation of a snapshot of my current train of thought, and as such is obviously subject to change at any tiime without warning, and may not be entirely accurate in the first place. Either way I take no responsibility for what you feel - I don't intend to offend - sometimes that is just a fortunate by-product of my humour exercised on small minds.
I feel I have somewhat strayed from my original point, which was, oh, . To be honest I don't know if I had a point. But at least I had a platform to explain that from. If you stayed this long, thanks.
Thank you.
The Stay-At-Home Dad.
(normal service may resume tomorrow).
(may).
Part I: Late Nights
Well yes, I skipped a day yesterday, sorry, I wasn't feeling in the mood, but today, to make it up, I'll write 2 posts... how's that sound?
The Stay=-At-Home Dad wasn't having a good day yesterday - just one of those where all the little things, the small niggles and the tiny manageable bits of work all gang up together to make a MONSTER that needs dealing with.
This wasn't helped by The Boy's incessant whining (due to his teeth coming through we think). Whining isn't really The Boy's strong point - he's usually just babbling and having fun unless he's hungry or tired (which are relatively easy-fixes), but the whining is almost constant and means even if we just leave him to go to the kitchen (where he can still see us) to make him some dinner he'll still whine! We had some respite when he went to bed, but that was shortlived as he woke up around 3.24 am in an attempt to get everyone up and out of the building by crying and wailing at the top of his lungs. For an hour or so. I bet our neighbours love us!
It was a strange one though; as Go-To-Work Mum brought The Boy into our bedroom to see if The-Stay-At-Home Dad could calm him while GTWMum prepared a bottle to try and help settle him again, The Boy just appeared frightened of us! Eventually he settled whilst watching Over The Hedge - a cracking CGI film if you haven't seen it.
I got The Boy up this morning and it was like it had never happened! He seems in a much better mood today, happily munching on his toast and being a bit funny and a bit cuddly. I've put it down to either one of, or all of three things:
1) Night terrors - seems a little young, but it would explain why he was so inconsolable and frightened of The Stay-At-Home Dad and Go-To-Work Mum;
2) The Food-Destroyers coming through and I can only imagine it hurts quite a bit - I can't quite rightly remember myself... (anyone would have thought he was the 1st baby to grow teeth though!); and
3) Maybe a little constipated - also associated (amongst other things) with new teeth.
Anyhoo, seems ok now. I'm off to try and do some Productive work in an attempt to make some money and stave off that black cloud that has been floating around near my head!
See you for Part 2 later.
The Stay-At-Home Dad
The Stay=-At-Home Dad wasn't having a good day yesterday - just one of those where all the little things, the small niggles and the tiny manageable bits of work all gang up together to make a MONSTER that needs dealing with.
This wasn't helped by The Boy's incessant whining (due to his teeth coming through we think). Whining isn't really The Boy's strong point - he's usually just babbling and having fun unless he's hungry or tired (which are relatively easy-fixes), but the whining is almost constant and means even if we just leave him to go to the kitchen (where he can still see us) to make him some dinner he'll still whine! We had some respite when he went to bed, but that was shortlived as he woke up around 3.24 am in an attempt to get everyone up and out of the building by crying and wailing at the top of his lungs. For an hour or so. I bet our neighbours love us!
It was a strange one though; as Go-To-Work Mum brought The Boy into our bedroom to see if The-Stay-At-Home Dad could calm him while GTWMum prepared a bottle to try and help settle him again, The Boy just appeared frightened of us! Eventually he settled whilst watching Over The Hedge - a cracking CGI film if you haven't seen it.
I got The Boy up this morning and it was like it had never happened! He seems in a much better mood today, happily munching on his toast and being a bit funny and a bit cuddly. I've put it down to either one of, or all of three things:
1) Night terrors - seems a little young, but it would explain why he was so inconsolable and frightened of The Stay-At-Home Dad and Go-To-Work Mum;
2) The Food-Destroyers coming through and I can only imagine it hurts quite a bit - I can't quite rightly remember myself... (anyone would have thought he was the 1st baby to grow teeth though!); and
3) Maybe a little constipated - also associated (amongst other things) with new teeth.
Anyhoo, seems ok now. I'm off to try and do some Productive work in an attempt to make some money and stave off that black cloud that has been floating around near my head!
See you for Part 2 later.
The Stay-At-Home Dad
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